I’ve never seen a place scream “I give up” so loudly. Everything from the terrible overhead lighting to the empty roll of toilet paper are a reminder that this is the bleak reality of what $1,700 a month gets you in Toronto these days.

I had to look up the building to see if all the apartments made my soul want to die but, nope, so far it’s just this one! Honestly, the rest of the building isn’t the worst, there’s a pool, gym and rooftop BBQ area but I’m not sure if that makes up for this under 400-square-foot tragedy.   Let’s start with a question: Why on earth are there Christmas garlands as actual decor? Are...are they permanent? Will you lose your deposit if you throw them out? I’m just curious...

Anyway, let’s explore the rest of this… room. The listing reads: “Not Your Typical Small Bachelor” but let’s be real, there’s nothing special about this place. It’s exactly like every other Craigslist bachelor pad you’ve seen since the early 90s, mismatched kitchen cabinets included.

First it has that weird beige paint every single rental in Toronto has decided is the go-to paint colour. (Side note: Landlords, on behalf of everyone I ask: why beige? Did you all buy too much of beige paint in the 90s and you’re just trying to use it up? What’s wrong with white? Sincerely, Confused Tenant.)You’ve also got some classic, too small Ikea art randomly hung up because having nothing  on your wall would be even sadder.

The bathroom has that terrible plastic towel rack that you just know will break a week after you move in.

Oh of course there’s also the requisite small patch of tile to distinguish the kitchen from the rest of the apartment, because if it wasn’t there you might not be able to tell that this sliver of space is the designated kitchen space. Thank baby Jesus for those 20 tiles!

And last, but certainly not least, there’s the advertised “large” balcony, which is smaller than the width of the sidewalk. Ooo I think I just got bingo!    

Specs

• Address: #533 – 600 Fleet Street
• Type: Apartment
• Rent: $1,700/ month
• Furnished? No
• Utilities: No
• Air conditioning? No info (read: probably not)
• Bedrooms: 0
• Bathrooms: 1
• Parking: As if!
• Laundry? In-suite
• Outdoor space? A strip of concrete with a railing they’ve generously called a balcony
• Pet friendly? No

Good For

Saving money on Christmas decorations.

Move On If

You like your balconies to fit more than an ashtray.