A dominatrix could be in order for those in Toronto looking for a Valentine's experience that's 50 shades hotter than a candle-lit dinner. For Mistress Kayla, there's romance in submission. "Lots of couples do domination together. I've seen a few couples myself and it's always fun," says the 26-year-old femdomme (female dominatrix).

"So many women ask me, 'So I want to submit to my (partner) but I don't know how to bring it up without freaking him out. How do I make him feel comfortable with this?' They want to do it because they want to experience different feelings."

On a cold winter evening, Kayla lets us peek into her dungeon, located on the main floor of a home in quiet suburbia. Thick curtains are drawn shut. Wrapped around three walls is a line of text: "Moments of silence are part of the magic... Embrace the future. Imagine serenity. Dream. Dance with the stars. Fly with the angels." A mantle spreads across the fourth wall with whips, floggers, and paddles hanging from seven hooks. Light and heat emanate from the fireplace.

In a tight black latex dress and patent leather boots, her blonde hair slicked back in a ponytail, she struts and explains her tools. There's the St. Andrew's Cross, an X-shaped bondage apparatus where the submissive one stands or sits spread-eagle. Then there's the CBT (cock ball torture) chair. The pink-coloured smother box is for the slave to lay down and put their head into face up. "So I can sit down on their face; always with panties on, of course."

As we take test shots - getting a rare opportunity to instruct a dom - Kayla tells us, "Don't make me look fat or I will kick your ass." It's apparent she loves being boss. "I used to beat up boys when I was young and now I beat up men." She makes her male subs wear anything from collars to dresses - and if she feels like it, demands that they clean tile grout with a toothbrush. When we ask if she could move the heavy St. Andrew's Cross, the petite mistress lifts and moves it. "I'm used to tying up large men and dragging them across the floor."

Before Kayla got into domination three years ago, she worked at an adult novelty store and did gigs at stag shows where she was paid to humiliate bachelors. "I thought it'd be much more fun to do domination." Today, this is a full time job and she is quick to emphasize there are no escort services provided and that she offers strictly a BDSM (acronym based on bondage & discipline, domination & submission, and sadism & masochism) and fetish-related service. She charges $220 an hour.

The majority of her clients are men, ranging in age from their 20s to 80s. She says the appeal of being dominated really depends on the sub. "There are successful guys that want to give up control to someone who happens to be a beautiful strong woman. They find that they're way more productive at their work, because they've let it all out. I've also met a guy who said that he has to listen to all these bosses, so he wants to choose who gets to be his boss. Then there are people who want to try something different."

Before each session, there is a screening process that includes an interview. "When people call, I have a very good intuition about whether or not I want to deal with them. Then we meet and chat about what they're into. I always make sure we get along first. Basically, when they're down on their knees, that's when the session starts."

Trust is important in the dom and sub relationship and Kayla finds that her clients are trusting. "I'm constantly reading their body language. We communicate but always within the role play. If we break role play, I remind them how to speak to me," she says. "I never find that I'm in a crazy headspace where I can't control myself. There's a difference between pain that is uncomfortable and pain that is pleasurable. When someone is aroused to a certain level, they can take more stimulation."

With regular bouts of laughter and giggles, she clearly doesn't forget to have fun in all the seriousness. "I don't like anything contrived. I've met some dominant women who are strange and they talk in a deep monotone voice and they're so serious. I'm like, 'Wow, are you a real person?' I'm just myself."

A scan of online Toronto BDSM services ads shows that it's perhaps best not to be too serious about it all, as there's truly a range of interests and people looking to fulfill them: kidnapping, intense physical examination by a nurse that includes electroshock therapy, a Barbie dom with an evil pink playhouse, and a dom with dirty shoes looking for "lizard tongues" to lick them clean.

Kayla has received her share of interesting requests. "There is a huge list of things that I wouldn't do. Someone recently called me and said, 'Now, don't get creeped out. I do not want to break your leg or anything, but I do want you to be in a cast. I want to put it on your leg and watch you walk around on crutches.' It's a very interesting fetish. He's probably a nurturer. But it's just not my thing. I like to be dominant and to wear high heels, not a cast!"

Despite their odd requests and kicking them around like worthless little shits, she has empathy for subs. "It's hard work," she says. "You have to open yourself up to someone, trust them and take it all in mentally and physically." Her advice for someone looking to be submissive? "Research. If you want to do it, make sure it's with someone that you really trust and who's professional."

Her work is displayed like an open book on her website, and it's how she says she lives her life. Her family and friends know about her work. "(They) aren't very surprised. I've always studied and been interested in sexuality. I want to be a sexologist one day. I don't have a PhD, but I'm definitely a sexpert."

For now, the young sexpert sees herself continuing to make men feel like pussies. "It's a lot of fun. BDSM encompasses so many aspects of sexuality that's very mental, so it appeals to me a lot. I love it."

As we exit her lair, she gives us a hug and wishes us Happy Valentine's Day. With a smile, she tells us, "Careful walking down the steps. It's icy." That's right. Only she gets to bring on the hurt.

See also: confessions of a male stripper in Toronto

Photos by Jesse Milns